Run 16

I have fallen off logging my runs! I have still been working out as consistent as possible but there have been some hiccups the last couple months with my last scan, first surgery, and so on…

This run was from August after round 8. The day after I finished round 8 to be exact. It was before I knew my body was somewhat “resistant” to the chemo drugs I underwent for 4+ months. That was very fun news to receive on Labor Day after moving into our new apartment.

It really does prove how you can be an insanely healthy person, and cancer has no rhyme or reason - it just attacks. I worked my ass off to run almost everyday outside of the two days I do treatment, drank as much water as possible, keep my weight up, natural remedies, etc…

All I think about these days is “what if I caught it sooner, what if my doctors followed up with me last year to do more testing, what if I made so many decisions differently”. But that “what if” thinking is really such a spiral and I need to catch myself as much as I can to prevent that from continuing to happen.

I am trying to keep my hopes up and fight this ugly disease but knowing the news I’ve received previously, and the long haul I still have to endure, its very hard to keep up this mindset. My tumor, who is now famously known as Tina, can’t and won’t win this battle. A 5cm tumor?? Tina is certainly not winning this war.

Run 15

This was an interesting choice. I walked and ran a little, again by the river, lol and decided to do sprints up the pathway that gets you back up by east end avenue.

What kept me going is that an older woman was doing the same thing I was doing, not sprinting, but walking uphill and backdown just like I was. It doesn’t only motivate me in the moment, it also reminds me that I want to continue to exercise and stay active like this for quite literally ever! Seeing someone who is likely in their late 60s leisurely walking up and down made me think of the future and how I want to be able to run/walk/exercise in any form when I also get to that age.

I did about 5 sprints and had to call it quits, it was getting to me and I knew I had to make it back. Since I was a little far from the street I head back home on, I did one last sprint to make it 6 in total - and immediately walked to fairway to get something refreshing. Note to self - need to bring water wherever I go now! Especially if I am looking to do sprints in 90 degree weather……

Run 14

A couple days leading up to round 8, I ran a couple miles on the river again. It was closer to the end of the day and it was still very hot so I took it easy. I always want to do more than I actually can, but pacing myself is much more important than pushing myself past a limit.

It was tough to stay motivated this day. I’ve noticed its been getting a bit tougher both mentally and physically through this really difficult time, but I have to keep reminding myself that each small win is still a win and I’m getting closer to the finish line each day.

Run 13

A Friday afternoon workout/run was the perfect way to start the weekend. I went by the East River and did a few circuits of push ups, walk ups, and hip dips using a bench by the water. I didn’t plan to do this but I realized I could really benefit from gaining some muscle back, lol. And while running can help that, I want to gain more muscle in my arms and upper legs as much as I can. It felt great to see how much my body was capable of doing, I was honestly shocked.

I didn’t push my limits too much as it was pretty hot out, but it felt like I did just enough where I would feel the soreness the next day. Thats one of the best feelings of knowing a workout “worked” the muscles that you were intending on focusing on. I’m not sure I’m making sense, but you get what I mean… hopefully!

Run 12

Back running after round 7! Erik mentioned I look “angry” in my selfies, lol, but I swear I’m not!! I am squinting because of the sun! Here is me posing with part of my port instead.

It feels great to still be able to workout a little, even if its closer to a full week out of treatment. I think I have mentioned this either here or on our podcast, but I am much more tired post treatment the last 2 rounds. Each Sunday, Monday and some of Tuesday I am sleeping most of the day, which can be frustrating for someone who likes to stay active but I know my body needs it to recuperate and fight this ugly disease.

So much to look forward to in the next couple weeks but also so much to do! I’m ready to get through this next round and looking forward to an amazing, outstanding, beautiful scan. After this 8th round, I will have successfully have completed 4 months of chemotherapy. What an insane accomplishment I never thought I’d be able to say. It might be odd to think “accomplishment”, but trust me, this shit is no joke and I don’t think I’ve been more proud of myself.

Onward, upward and forward!!

Run 11

It was a gloomy day here in NYC, but after feeling so great getting back into running yesterday, I knew I wanted to get another run in today. It’s been difficult to run after taking a bit of a break, but I am going to continue to be as active as possible during this time. The surgery that I will be having will likely be pretty intense, and I want to ensure that I set myself up for a smooth recovery.

If you’ve listened to episode one of Cancer Chats, where Bevin and I discuss how when I had my first surgery at Lenox Hill to put my port in, you’d remember that I was able to get out of the hospital bed immediately following the surgery. Had I not always been an active person, running, lifting weights, etc. a recovery would likely not be as easy. My oncologist had come around to meet me for the first time in post-op, but I had already gotten up from the hospital bed because I was so lucky to have my period during this time and needed to use the bathroom. God has a funny way of working! But, besides the point, my Dr. made a comment on how shocked she was that I was already up and moving.

This is the type of recovery I am looking to have post-op. My hope is to recover as soon as possible and be as strong as I can be going into it. And, I will be. LFG!

Run 10

Took a bit of a hiatus from running because it was getting extremely hot in NYC the past week and my doctor advised me to slow down. Since my heart rate can be pretty high these days due to a whole butt load of reasons, it can be dangerous to run. She mentioned holding off for now once it cools off, and today seemed like a good day to begin again. It was cooler out and not half as humid as it was at the end of July.

It was so nice to get back outside and run by the East River, I ended up sitting by the water and it was the most relaxing. Looking to do this again tomorrow, but may have to take a break over the weekend — It is my BFFs and cohosts’ bday (Bevin) and I am looking at apartments!!

Super excited for the next couple months, I’m nearing the end of my chemo journey, surgery is on the horizon and this chapter will be closer to closing. So much to look forward to!

Run 9

EEEK! Sharing so much of my personal life on social media, which is so not who I am. I’m an open book to family and close friends, but this level of detail I’d never thought I’d share publicly. Very strange feeling.

I started this blog on July 5th and wasn’t totally sure if I’d begin publishing. I mainly wanted to keep myself accountable and also have something to look back on- I journaled in May but then fell off and I wanted to make sure that didn’t happen again.

Also, please disregard any grammar mistakes.. I’m only human and the chemo brain is verrrry real. Honestly, one of my main side effects now is chemo brain. But I’ll take it over nausea & vomiting any day. Isn’t this so pleasant? Lol my life is so insanely different now, and that’s ok. I feel like I’ve learned so much about life and myself since May and I’m almost happy that this experience will change me forever. I don’t know that my outlook would’ve ever changed .. it likely wouldn’t have.

It was hard to get out this day to run, but I mean launching this to the public… Couldn’t then give up haha! I started out walking and then had some strength to get myself to run… 2 miles done! I’ll take it.

An update from a tumor marker perspective …lol.. they are looking gooood peeps! One is in a normal range (can I get a fuck YEAH!) and another has dramatically gone down since May. We’re getting somewhere. Let’s keep running, hydrating, and eating!! Doesn’t sound too bad to me.

Run 8

First one back after round 5! My goal is to get back to running once each Sunday hits post treatment. I haven’t given background on how my treatment works, but essentially its a three to four day process. Every other Wednesday I receive two chemotherapy drips in-person at the facility, and then I am so blessed (lol) to go home with a two night slow drip- the last one is called 5FU and thats exactly what I’d like to call it back lol if you catch my drift……

Then once the two nights of sleeping with chemo attached to me is completed, I return it on Friday and stay at the facility for hydration before going home. We learned the hard way that this gal neeeeeds some good hydration. But, thats not all, before leaving I have what is called a “Nulesta” patch put on me to prevent my WBC and bone marrow levels from dropping. Are you still following? Because yeah, its a lot. I almost feel like I can administer chemotherapy now - kidding, kidding.

Finally, once the Nulesta is injected on Saturday around 4 or 5pm, I can take it off and be completely done with a round.

The reason I had to wait until Tuesday was the weather on Sunday and Monday filming a documentary all day. I’m trying to keep at it as much as I can, but my body really can only handle doing so many things in a day and boy, was I pooped Monday.

Round 6, however, I’ll be sure to be hitting the road Sunday and keeping at it until the Tuesday up until the next drip begins. It’s crazy how life can change at a moment’s notice, right? I’m using words I never dreamed imagined I’d even understand - “That day doesn’t work, I have chemo” …WHAT?!

One day at a time…..

Also, this run was really fucking hard in the heat - yet, I completed 3 miles. LFG.

Run 7

The last run before round 5. It wasn’t planned that I would run this day, but Erik was volunteering about 10-15min away from our apartment and I decided to run the way home after leaving him.

It felt good to know that I would start off round 5 on a good start and I didn’t miss a day of running at all. This photo was the one I sent within my family “Team Make A Wish” group chat. Sometimes I wonder what they think when I send things like a selfie of me running the night before chemo. Most would think of perhaps refraining from doing so.

Although it wasn’t a long run, it was roughly a mile and I felt accomplished. I was sure to hydrate even more so given the heat and the battle I was about to put my body through the following day.

Trying to “follow the rules” as my Aunt Doris told me to do, somewhat..

Run 6

First day back in the city, I went for a run once my boyfriend got home from work. We both went together and even though it was around 6pm, it was still very hot. It was a challenging run so I began to walk, but I was happy that despite traveling from LBI to Manhattan, I still made it out there.

We ran on the East River and it was a total of about 3 miles. Another experience where I saw runners behind me catching up and it motivated me to begin running again, but at a point I had to listen to my body.

It’s interesting because before I decided to start running, Erik already started running a few days prior. Again, I’m only a little competitive, lol. But it worked out in the best way possible that he did because it inspired me that I need to start moving. It was something he said too about having the best possible outcome and “doing everything in my power to make sure that happens” that really sparked me trying to change the way I was going through my journey.

The first two months included a lot of laying, baths, and little to no movement. I barely went outside and if I did, it was not for a long duration of time. I didn’t realize how bad it had become, and I wouldn’t say I was necessarily “depressed”, but it was not the way I wanted to get through this challenging part of my life.

I’m more than thrilled I started to get my life back.

Run 5

I ran this day about 2 miles or so, and ran into my mom on her run too. It was misting so it made the run more difficult, but I felt great being able to get out there and really wanting to complete my goal for today.

While I was running home, I saw a young woman across from me also running. It helped me to keep going, and it actually made me try sprinting home. I’m not competitive or anything, lol. I loved seeing that I was still capable of running for as long as I was able to.

I want to continue doing mini challenges like this to gain and keep my strength back. After this next round, my goal is to try and do a spin class or some type of workout class, but will see how my body feels and what I think I am capable of.

I hate to sound basic, but wow all I want to do is go to a spin class and feel ‘normal.’ Or, what my version of normal is haha.

Run 4

The first day I have been outside almost the entirety of the day in over 2 months. Ah, was it nice.

I spent time with my mom and cousin for majority of the afternoon in the sun and the pool. It was the definition of relaxing. I thought about how I had been outside and out and about so I figured I’d do my workout in the pool.

It wasn’t much but it was honest work. Mostly proud of not being inside and spending too much time on my phone and/or computer, which I really need to work on.

I look forward to more days like this the rest of the summer.

Run 3

This day was more of a walk, which I figured would be the case. I was feeling the run from the day before but knew I wanted to keep, or “grit going” on my challenge to run each day during this insane life experience I am going through.

I ran/walked to a mini golf course nearby my mom and her boyfriend’s house and it was about a mile or so. I felt accomplished enough and was happy with at least getting myself up and out there.

Ever since day 1, with being in the sun, running, and eating more, I have been feeling a ton better. There are still moments each day where I am very tired and need a nap or time to lay down, but thats to be expected.

Excited to continue this goal of mine!!

Run 2

Today, I arrived in Long Beach Island. There is nothing like the air quality difference once you are near the beach and ocean. It is the most relaxing feeling, in my opinion.

Another goal of mine is to feel good enough to come down here after each chemo therapy treatment. I’m confident round 5 - which is what this coming week will be, will go smoothly enough for me to get down here and enjoy this weather and environment.

I immediately took to the cabinet and grabbed a snack, and shortly after jumped in the pool. Honestly nothing like it. Once I was feeling up to it, I changed for my second day of running. I originally planned to do a mile or so, similar to yesterday, but as I have run here before countless times to certain end points, I tested my body slightly.

After a total of 3 miles, phew I was feeling it. I can’t remember ever feeling like what my legs felt like today - I’m pretty sure I haven’t. I’ve felt sore/out of shape, but never where my legs are going to give out, lol. Granted I’ve basically been sedentary for 2 months with toxins running through my body on a bi-weekly cadence, so that could be my issue…

Tomorrow, I am looking to push my limits a little less. It’s tough knowing you’re 28 and what your body is likely capable of, but this whole chemo thing… thats something else. Either way, onward! I am not stopping, what is it that you learn in school… a body in motion, stays in motion? Yep

Run 1

What inspired me to begin running was the feeling I had on this day, July 5th - I was working from home after spending the weekend recovering from my 4th chemotherapy treatment. It was a much easier round than my previous round 3, woof that was rough. Round 3 included extreme pain on my right side to the point where I couldn’t walk, extreme nausea and vomiting, and to top it all off, I ended up getting a fever. Suffice to say, Team Make A Wish was on the way to Lenox Hill Hospital.

I was hospitalized for two days to receive hydration and get back to normal. What I didn’t expect, was the doctors investigating if I also contracted sepsis in the hospital. Jesus Christ, a weekend like no other. I (verbally) fought the doctors on this diagnosis because I knew there was no way I had also contracted sepsis. Suffice to say, Danzilla was right… and later on was discharged.

I’m telling this part of my story to get to the point of why I HAD to turn things around. I was sitting in my apartment after having a 1x1 for work feeling like my lungs were tight and my mind began racing. “What if it spread to my lungs, my voice sounds hoarse.. it definitely spread to my lungs…”

Less than a half hour later, I decided to call the direct line to my oncologists office and make sure I am clear to go for a run. If I can run in this heat, there’s no way it spread to my lungs, right? Odd thought process, but if you know me, you wouldn’t be surprised. When I knew I was good to go, I ran a couple miles and stopped at a lululemon to buy a hat as I had already decided this would be what I was doing each day from now on.

It hasn't spread to my lungs…